You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
