Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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