You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
