My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
