he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
