Betty ford says i'm here all night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
