That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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