she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
