she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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