totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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