Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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