I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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