If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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