so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
