he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
