my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
