it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
