you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
