last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
