I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
