u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
