I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
