apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize