just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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