And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
