Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
