At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Congratulations! We have a period
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
