Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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