i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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