If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize