i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
