Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
