Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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