Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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