I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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