Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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