alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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