i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
