I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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