Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
