Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
