Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
