dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
