i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
