I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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