it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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