I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
