when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
