I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
