Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
