hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Where is the hickey?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's not a walk of shame if you run
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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