I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
