good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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