i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dicks are not precious.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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