dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
