I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
