just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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