420 ftw
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
