There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
