She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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