trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
