we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
