Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
