I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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