Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize