I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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