get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
