$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
