The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
