He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
