i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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